Recently I’ve been thinking a lot on how the world is interconnected; I believe everything is. I’ve felt like this for a long time; I like to say I’ve always believed it, but I can’t be so sure about that. I’ve brushed upon this idea, this feeling, multiple times in my life at different circumstances and states of mind. It’s one of the reasons I see the world as beautiful and awe-inspiring, in ways I can’t put into words, drawings, or expressions. Something I’ve never grasped is how much influence once can actually have in the world, and recently I’ve seen that I am a force in the world, one that has the power to do good as I try and do so much, but one that has the power to inflict pain as well.
I’m not saying I haven’t ever inflicted pain onto the world; I’m not that naive nor prideful. But I haven’t ever really stopped to think about it. Since school has started back up and my small-scale social life has diminished to near nothing due to school work, I’ve had plenty of time to be alone with myself and the negative karma from said pain.
I regret what I’ve done to people, intentionally or not. I try my best to be morally right and a good person, and I like to think that I naturally am (only people that know me can say that for sure), but I have made mistakes before, and quite a few. Most of them where born of emotional tension, emotions that I didn’t know how to handle and thus created a painful explosion of sharp words and blunt accusations. But some of them were caused by careless actions and a lack of consideration. From these events, I’ve learned to act slowly and steadily, being as cautious as deemed necessary. I have yet to learn what to do with myself in extreme emotional situations other than be alone, and that is not always possible.
I’ve also hurt people by living my life as I do: I can be spontaneous and shift suddenly with the winds, and it’s left some in the dust, bleeding from sand particles and thrown rocks. These I have decided not to think about too much, but these are often the ones I feel most awful about because there really is no explanation satisfactory, for myself or them. And I even doubt myself when I say that….
Anyways, enough of my self pitying. What I’m getting at in this post is that people (including myself) should be aware of the amount of power they really do have. It may be subtle and slow like the earth, or it may be sudden and fast-moving like fire, but the power that we have is part of who we are, it’s our very essence. And this essence gives us the ability to deliver both positive and negative unto the world, and therefore the people around us. If we recognize what we have to give to the world for good, we must also recognize the other side; the world is not immune to us because we are part of it.
I have finally learned this.
Until next time,