My natural desire is to want to decide everything in a logical, orderly manner. However, because I am an emotionally-driven person, this is incredibly hard for me sometimes, mostly the times in which my emotions are the heart of a matter, or at least the muscle. Recently, I’ve had a few matters of emotion wandering through my mind, all of which I try to dissect and figure out logically, and I also try to figure out what to do with them, logically as well. This has been driving me insane, because in many circumstances, emotions defy logic, and when a matter is mostly emotional, it is near impossible to figure out what to do with it. At least, this is what I feel like (haha….punny!). Maybe it’s only because my emotions can be incredibly extreme, deep rooted, and complex. Maybe it’s only because the main situation I’ve been pondering about is incredibly complex itself, and the other person involved is in a complex, precarious position with and compared to my own position in our circumstance. Maybe I’m overthinking it, and should just do what I feel is right and what I feel like I want to do.
But then I immediately turn around and question that.
Emotions seem to be just as logical as a God, as a Creator, as that particular force that moves things in the world and connects everything to everything else. They are just there, there for us to experience and describe. They are there as motivators, as a screen between ourselves and the world, and as a guide to our soul and heart. They are there to lead us to where we are suppose to be, and to lead us to where we will be happiest or unhappiest, depending on what emotions you decide to feed.
And I know all of this…but it it doesn’t make certain decisions any easier.
Emotions act freely of morals and rules, unless, for you personally, emotions are borne from these things, like the Id, Ego and Superego are fighting (as always). But in the end, at least for me, my emotions usually get the best of me. Whether it’s after I’ve done the “moral” thing, or before, they always end up taking a hold of me and reminding me how much they rule me. And oftentimes, I kick myself for it.
Learning to do what’s best for me and “ride” those waves of emotion is difficult, but I know I’m slowly getting better at it. Letting myself just feel whatever I need to and then decide what to do has proven the best method for me personally. I know this is definitely not the best for everyone though…but maybe I’ll figure out what to do with the one circumstance that has riddled my brain as it has recently, eventually. Some of these emotions need outlets, after all.